Last week my passion was reawakened for the church.

It started with my Pastor’s message titled, A Wake Up Call. It was probably one of the best sermons that I have ever heard; not only because of it’s relevance to the modern church, but also because of the questions that were previously in my heart.

I was really feeling like I needed to be apart of the church. I had stopped going for awhile because of conflicts with my schedule and also partly because I was irritated with a few things there. However, the Holy Spirit continued to convict me that being on my own as a Christian was not safe. This was confirmed with the Pastor’s sermon. At one point he mentioned that God told him the church was filled with apathy. He drew a diagram illustrating that there are a few “on-fire” Christians in the middle, and a ring of “seekers” on the outside. In the middle, are hundreds of everyday people that are just filling the seats, but aren’t really walking the walk. Believe me, it was an intense sermon, and the conviction was so heavy in the room you could almost see it weighing people down. However, it was necessary. As a pastor, it is his job to protect his flock, and that is just what he did. I respect that, especially with all the “feel good” preachers that are out there now. The world could use a few more leaders who aren’t afraid to stand up for Truth, no matter how much it hurts.

Now, my problem isn’t with my walk outside of church. I’m doing pretty good with that. My problem is within the church. I’ve just never connected with people there. Pretty sad, huh?

Anyway, I realized that I was there to hear that message for a reason, and to not act on the message that I was receiving would have been disobeying the Holy Spirit. So, I have to get more involved with the church. I am NOT a social person. It’s not that I can’t be, but I have always chosen not to be. That has actually worked rather well for me in the past, but now God is saying something different. He’s saying, “that isn’t going to work anymore. You’re going to start playing by My rules now, and you need to have more fellowship with your fellow brothers and sisters.”

In other words, it’s time to “play nice”. Great, not exactly something I’m use to!

I’ve had the desire in my heart to have more friends my age. Actually, to have one friend my age would be nice. All my friends are older than me, and don’t get me wrong; I love them all. In the past, I was perfectly content having older friends, but something is crying out in me to get involved with people in my age group.

Coincidentally (yeah right), my church just started a young adult ministry (ages 18-24). It’s called Transit, and we are meeting for the first time on Tuesday. I can’t believe I’m going to go to something like this, but I’m trusting God on this one.

Who knows, maybe I’ll meet the girl of my dreams there? Oh, wow…I hope I’m not wrong for thinking like that!

Who are we that You would be mindful of us?
What do You see that’s worth looking our way?
We are free in ways that we never should be.
Sweet release from the grip of these chains.

Like hinges straining from the weight,
My heart no longer can keep from singing.

All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified:
Emmanuel, God with us.

My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Lord, You know our hearts don’t deserve Your glory;
Still You show a love we cannot afford.

Like hinges straining from the weight,
My heart no longer can keep from singing.

All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified:
Emmanuel, God with us.

My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Such a tiny offering
Compared to Calvary;
Nevertheless,
We lay it at Your feet.

All that is within me cries
For You alone be glorified:
Emmanuel, God with us.

My heart sings a brand new song.
The debt is paid, these chains are gone.
Emmanuel, God with us.

Music and Lyrics by Mercy Me, God With Us

I’m coming to you live from my house, where miracles are happening all around me!

My mother called today as the Spirit was hitting her, and she was crying because His Presence was so strong on her. I had never witnessed her receive the Presence of God like that, so it was a true blessing to me. It was a joy to see someone else understand what happens to me! As she was proclaiming the goodness of God, the Spirit was hitting me also. It was an incredible moment.

During the call with her, I was receiving another call from my friend Lisa. I couldn’t answer it (for obvious reasons), but afterwards I checked my voicemail, and again was blasted by the Holy Spirit. Lisa was crying also and saying that “something good just happened to her, and she can’t even believe what God has done.”

Recently, during our prayer time together we discovered that she had a curse of poverty on her life (from her mother’s side). We prayed for guidance in how to break this, and we received the answers we were looking for. I felt that night that it was broken, and that she was free. On Sunday, a lady gave her $50.00 dollars as a gift. And….drum roll please…today she received a call from an unknown woman at our church that they were going to furnish her entire apartment. The lady (God bless her) said that Lisa’s name was on her desk, with a note that said “provide all her needs”. She had Lisa give her a list of everything she needed! Lisa couldn’t figure out how they got her name, and she kept saying, “who is this, how did you know about me?” Finally the lady said, “Jesus told us and He is blessing you today.”

Amen. Praise the Lord!

Abundance comes in many flavors or areas of our life. Finances, relationships, and religious experiences are just a few of the main ones. Abundance is something we all pray and hope for, especially when we have been stuck in a season of lack, or drought.

Mostly everyone knows how to deal with the drought season, because we all have areas in our life that are lacking, but do we know how to deal with abundance when it comes? Imagine you were poor your whole life, and then suddenly you inherited millions of dollars. For years, this was only a dream, and then suddenly it becomes a reality.

Sometimes I think we become so attached to our lack, that when abundance does come we get a little scared, and we handle it in the wrong way. The way we handle it might even put us back to the level of lack that we were comfortable with. Someone with no friends, that suddenly starts making friends everywhere, might not know how to balance their time, and the relationships might fall apart quicker than they started.

These are all things that I have been pondering, and mainly because I have recently entered into a season of extreme abundance. I say extreme, because the blessings that are being poured out are like nothing I have ever experienced. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. I’m not used to it, so there is a part of me that feels like if I appreciate it too much it will be taken away from me, and I’ll be disappointed. I feel like I’m on top of the world, but the top is scary. When you are on the top, you have a long way to fall. When you are on the bottom, you can only go up.

Is this a fear of success? Should I be casting something out?

One of the things that scares me about money is that it changes you. When I was on the verge of being homeless my relationship with God was intense. Every day He pulled me through, and everyday I clung to His side. I’ve noticed that when we get a little comfortable we tend to get a mindset that says, “alright, I got it from here”. God forbid!

My biggest prayer lately has been, “May I not be removed from this foundation of rock that you have placed me on.” I refuse to let my circumstances change who I am in Christ. I will always need Him, and nothing is going to take me away from Him. Oh, the devil tries hard, but he will not have the victory over me. Victory belongs to the Lord!

Church was awesome on Sunday! In fact, the whole day was awesome, and the presence of the Lord was upon me continuously!

My cousins are visiting from Pennsylvania this week, and they went with my mother and me to church. My eleven year-old cousin, Jaiden, sat down beside me and all of sudden she started crying. I put my arm around her, and I started to cry. It was almost as if God was allowing me to feel what she was going through. The worship began, and the music was really ministering to me. I noticed Jaiden crying the whole time, and I felt like God was saying to have her come over to my place by herself after church. I could sense a lot of pain in this poor girl’s heart, and I knew God wanted to heal it!

After the music stopped, there was a skit that had me in tears. It was a boxing match between “fear” and “faith”. It was funny because they had peppered the congregation with people to cheer on both contestants, and some even had signs that said “we love fear”. The boxing match froze, and out came a lady on the stage that was stressing over her bills, and feeling like she was going to become homeless. Cue the tears! The boxing match continued with “faith” taking a beating until he was finally knocked down. On the count of 8, the scene froze and went back to the struggling woman. She took out her Bible and started praising God, and saying that she was going to trust Him. The scene went back to the match, and “faith” got up and defeated “fear”. This is the story of my life! I never thought a 10 minute skit could be so profound, and touch my heart in this way.

So anyway, after church I had Jaiden over. I told her that sometimes God lets me feel what people are going through so I can relate to them, and she started crying. I started crying too, and we both couldn’t stop for awhile. It was actually kind of comical, and at one point I said, “look at us, we are both a crying mess.” She is so special to me though, and she always has been. To see her so withdrawn and so dead looking really concerned me. She is only eleven and she looked like she had been so beaten down by life already (she kind of has, but I don’t wish to share those things right now). I knew that she needed something to bring her back to life, and I knew exactly what the something was!

I started to talk to her about Jesus. I asked her some simple questions, to see if she really understood everything about salvation. She has been going to church since she was born, but that didn’t mean she knew who Jesus was, why He died, and what that meant for us. Besides, what eleven year-old doesn’t question what their parents tell them? Heck, I was casting spells when I was eleven! The devil begins his work when we are still in the womb!

I started to explain the importance of the Holy Spirit, and of the spiritual gifts. Of course, the church that she was going to never explained any of this. The devil has done a fine job of keeping Christians powerless! After it seemed like she understood her salvation and the purpose of the Holy Spirit, I asked her if she was ready to surrender to the Holy Spirit. I could feel an anointing to pray with her, and I figured, “it’s now or never with this little one.” So I had her stand up and I prayed for her to know the Holy Spirit more and for her to be led by the Holy Spirit more. She told me that when her eyes were closed she saw white. She said she had never seen white like that when her eyes were closed, and that the white started to overcome the darkness. Afterwards, she looked so different. She looked full of life again. The sadness and pain appeared to be gone. I asked her how she felt and she said, “I feel stronger”. Bless her heart, and praise the Lord! This is the beginning of her true spiritual life, and she is still so young. I remembered when I asked God to be filled with His Spirit, and how it changed my life. I told her that she can ask God the same thing anytime she feels like she needs more of God, and He will give it to her. Please pray that God will continue to help her mature in her walk with Him. How great is He to reach her at such an age? I really believe that God is raising up a generation that is going to stand up in battle against all that is opposed to His Kingdom!

That same night I got together with my spiritual sisters, Tricia and Lisa, and we had a blow out prayer time. The power of God filled the room, and we were completely drunk with His Spirit.

Like I said, it was an amazing day!

My Grandma is coming down on Saturday, and that’s when her and Grandpa, my mom, maybe Aunt Paula and Uncle Jim and I are going to celebrate. Because of that, today doesn’t really feel like Christmas. You might be thinking, “aww, that’s sad”. However, it’s kind of nice to not have to run around everywhere and be caught up in the chaos (as I have been in previous years), and to actually enjoy the reason for the season. The birth of Jesus. All day long, I plan to keep this wonderful fact in my mind, and to remember that had it not been for that birth, I might not even be here now.

Jesus has given me the gift of eternal life, but He has also saved me many times in this earthly life. When I think back to all the hard times when it seemed like it would’ve been easy to give up, I realize that He was there through it all. Even before I gave my life to Him, He was helping me. Through all the darkness I was able to hear His small, but powerful voice.

Today is a day of rejoicing, and I’m truly thankful to the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings, and the Author of my salvation!

I hope you all are having a very Merry Christmas!

I think I’m finally starting to understand why I have been out of work for the past three months. In three months, I have learned more spiritually, than what most people have learned in a lifetime. I have dedicated everyday to researching the scriptures, praying, fasting, growing in my relationship with Jesus, and unraveling the Truth. There have been many tribulations, but through it all God has been faithful, and He has provided every need for me. This has probably been the most difficult season of my life, but it has also been the most fruitful. I feel like I have been in a cocoon, and kept away from the world. Sheltered, and secluded, and God has been my only company. When I am released back into the world, the world will not see the old me, for the old has passed away. Out of this cocoon, something more beautiful than even I could have imagined will emerge.

Three months ago, when everyone insisted that I get a job, I told them, “I can put in all the applications I want, but if God doesn’t want me somewhere nothing will happen.”

So I put in applications everywhere, while trying to get my business going. Nothing happened. In three months, not one person was interested in me. I wasn’t looking for anything great either; just some extra money to help me. I couldn’t even get hired at a Walmart!

God has been doing an incredible work, and it’s a work that needed to be done. I have been in training mode to be a warrior for the Kingdom of God. I have been taught the ways of the Spirit, by the Grace of God, and now graduation day approaches. The training wheels are being taken off. The cocoon is starting to crack open, and the work that God was doing is being completed.

I’m not going to go into details at this time, but there is a career in the works now that will change my life. It will be a blessing, and also a challenge. Financially, I will be set, but that is not the most important thing. The most important thing is that the lessons God has taught me must not be forgotten. These hard times have not been for nothing, and I’m thankful everyday for the person I am now. The person that God led me to be.

I’ll be going back into the world as a new creature very soon. I’d like to believe that life is going to be perfect when I land that “dream job”, but I know better. Circumstances do not dictate our happiness or quality of life. I have an inner peace given to me by Jesus Christ, and He is the only constant thing I have. While I consider this opportunity an enormous blessing, and I’m looking forward to having a stable income, I now know that my stability comes from the Lord.

I’m writing this because someday I’ll look back on it, and I’ll remember how blessed I am to be where I’m at.

Ever since I began surrendering to God, my life has transformed in many ways (read my testimony for more on this). I have become aware of how meaningful life is. Not only that, but I have started to experience life in a new way. Some of the things I could only dream of are now a reality. God has heard the many desires of my heart, and He has blessed me with pretty much everything I could ask for and more. I’m not trying to sound spoiled, but sometimes I kind of feel like I am. I’m grateful for it all, and I’m honored to belong to a Father that offers that kind of love to His children.

Recently, I was blessed with a rare opportunity to play with a baby tiger. This is an experience I will remember forever. I went with my mother and her friend, and the encounter lasted about two hours. The people that owned it were some of the nicest people I have ever met, and the love that they had for these animals was incredible. There was also an adult tiger that they owned. All of their time had been devoted to both of these tigers, and they cared for them like they were children.

God also has a full-time job, and that is caring for His children. How much of our time do we give back to Him? Is it enough to show Him that we are thankful for all that He does?